I never really got in trouble much because I just stayed underneath the radar, did enough, responded as was expected, and was invisible until I wasn’t.

When I wasn’t and got seen, I quickly retreated back again as it was too much. Too much for them and too much for me.  So much so I often got the message very directly said, “Nobody likes you, you know,” or just the look would do it.

One time I did get noticed was when I was watching the crow outside the window, jealously wishing I had its freedom. I’ve felt all my life that I was caged, bound in by all that others wanted and need when all I wanted was to fly away just as the crow did when it was finished watching me.

“Ms. Gerety, ” this formal teacher said, “I asked you a question. What is the answer?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t listening, sorry”

“What were you doing?”

“Watching the crow outside the window”

The sniggering started, the teacher looked straight at me and said:

“well, you can write an essay on The Crow tonight”

She looked straight at me over her glasses and I knew it wasn’t a punishment but that she saw me. And she did. I let out the obligatory groan none the less.

The class laughed at me for having to do some extra homework while I spent the rest of the class composing the masterpiece for my favourite teacher.

Was it a masterpiece, no, but it wasn’t the last extra essay, and I cherished the constructive criticism received in her beautiful handwriting. She was a lady, terrifying at times, but I loved her, and she knew my studying the crow was not disrespectful but necessary.